I first met my dear friend, Catherine
just two
short years ago
she
haunts the internet café
and
exists through the flow
of other
people's adventures
watching
them come and go
as if
their ordinary lives
were the
best tv show
she's a
big fan of the telly
friends
and mario kart
but
controlling her own future
has
become her lost art
she
always claims to be happy
but I
see right through her
and she
can see through me as well
I can't
stay forever
a life
indoors is not for me
and I
need more than this
but
every time I leave her there
I feel
something's amiss
I know
her story inside out
as much
as she will tell
and she
knows me from start to end
we just
get on so well
but
whenever we disagree
it turns
into a wreck
her
anxiety holds my words
so tight
around her neck
I just
want her to be happy
but I'm
making it worse
and the
last thing I'd ever want
is to
add to her curse
so I'm
afraid to go back there
and talk
to her again
but I'm
such a mess without her
and I
need my best friend
she is
the most beautiful soul
and she
had so much drive
but it's
been such a long time now
since
that girl was alive
and she
has lost touch with her place
on the
physical plane
I just
keep trying to help her
to
venture out again
because
she's lived for far too long
all
alone and afraid
and she
keeps saying that she's fine
but I'm
watching her fade
she's
afraid of the noise these days
she's
afraid of the lights
and she
won't even consider
stepping
out in the night
and it
scares me to think about
how she
passes the time
just
staring out of the window
or
devouring true crime
'cause she's so
fucking clever
and
she's far too well read
but
there are days when she's clearly
just a
little girl, dead
but I'm
determined to save her
so I
asked what to do
and a
wise old woman told me
to step
into her shoes
she said
the line I've been taking
is
extremely extreme
and
there is no way that Catherine
can wade
into that stream
so I
have to guide her slowly
just one
step to begin
I should
just be there to help her
see that
someday she'll swim
past
years of neglect and trauma
and past
all the abuse
because
those instincts that once helped her
are no
longer of use
she told
me one night last summer
of the
day that she died
when her
whole world turned against her
and her
gifts turned to lies
she says
that she has forgotten
everything
that once was
she says
it was so long ago
but I
still sense her loss
she had
a community once
and a
life of culture
she had
courage, trust and all those
visions
for the future
she
enjoyed her life in the fields
helping
to look after
her
neighbours, brothers and her friends
with
love and with laughter
and that
girl is still there somewhere
I can see her shine through
when she
sees the latest gadgets
or
reads anything new
that
smile is something to behold
lifts spirits any day
but I
see it less and less now
and I
want it to stay
I know
she can come back because
she has
handled so much
with grace
and determination
all she
needs is a crutch
I want
to become that for her
so she
can lean on me
and I
just want to see her float
I want
her to be free
at last,
I know what I should do
I'll go
over tonight
I'll
craft a gift to remind her
and
explain myself right
I won't
push her, simply offer
to aid
her in this world
and
support her resurrection
of that
brave little girl
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